Enough With Not Being Enough

Apparently the number one human affliction is the idea that we are not enough as we already are.

Most people are striving to do more, be more, and achieve more without celebrating how far they’ve already come. Even the biggest achievers out there are often driven by an inner nudge that if they stop achieving, they will become invisible. They feel like they may as well not even exist.

 

 

I am guilty at times of thinking this way as well. Some of the most amazing, influential, and inspiring people I’ve met could never satisfy this deep-seated need to be enough even as their resumes and credentials grew larger and more impressive with each passing day. A few of the most outwardly successful people I’ve met have also been the most depressed. I’ve unfortunately seen amazing lives end abruptly because people couldn’t live up to unreasonable expectations they had of themselves and therefore they couldn’t go on.

Most of us have a lot of baby steps and milestones to celebrate, but when we do any amount of browsing online we are bombarded with messages telling us that we could be doing more. We could be better. We just need to read this article, this book, take this course, sign up for this system, etc.

You wrote a book? You should be a New York Times #1 Best Seller. You got a job or a promotion? You could be earning more. You got a new home? But it only has one bathroom. The messages go on and on to keep us from ever fully appreciating the present and all that is going well in our lives.

There’s nothing wrong of course with wanting to be better. I myself create and offer courses and books that aim to empower people to reach new heights. Giving, serving, and striving personally help give my life meaning. Where I think it can become toxic is when we think we can’t take a break, make a change, or go in a new direction especially when that means setting aside a fancy-sounding title, a comfy salary, or even breaking away from the life that others expect we should lead.

I’m actually on vacation right now, visiting family and friends in the USA before my family up and leaves Rome, our home for almost a decade, to Yangon, Myanmar in July. I’ve tried over the past week or so to be mostly offline and do a mini “digital detox.” In fact, I was successful for a few days at a time and those little pockets of quiet were glorious. For a few short days I ignored piling emails, let questions from students sit (I had sent out an announcement that I would be slow to respond for a few days), and I stayed far away from glowing screens and social media.

I did occasionally have to check in so I could take more “time off” by answering questions from my online students, filling up my Buffer to auto-post to my social media pages (because apparently going quiet on social media these days is no longer acceptable), and just try and keep up with the mountain of usual email requests.

And coming back after the nice digital detox did awaken some unpleasant feelings of potentially having missed out on something. Did taking a rest while everyone else continued striving make me get behind? Not in reality but only in my mind.

So this post is for anyone who has ever felt the same way. I have joked before around New Year’s resolution time that we should all Get Fat, Sleep In, and Change Nothing. I’ve also touted the huge benefits of replacing our To-Do lists with Stop-Do lists to help de-clutter and re-prioritize our over-cluttered lives.

 

 

Today I am calling for a pause, a deep breath, and a moment of celebration for all the amazing things we’ve already done and continue to do each day. What have you done over the past year or so that you are proud of? What milestones and baby steps can you savor right now? Why not pause and pat yourself on the back?

We are enough as we already are. We just have to take a break and notice once and a while.